The Tao of 'Thought' : Do you remember who you were before the world decreed who you have to be?

Do you remember who you were before the world decreed who you have to be? Is the 'lens' with which you see the world,your essential paradigm your very own or someone Else's? Why do you need a perspective in the first place? Why faith?
 A perturbed Ila questions the narrator in Ghosh's Shadow lines " Why? Why should we try,why not take the world around as it is? " he answered as it was elucidated by his mentor Tridib " we had to try for the alternative wasn't blankness- it only meant that if  we didn't try ourselves,we would never be free of others inventions".

But Can the world really function without a prior hypothesis? A paradigm of how things are; that which is undone or eventually prove as the apprentice/individual advances in terms of experiences.

Talk of the school of original thought; of shunning all the old,all the prejudices and creating a new independent perspective, your very own something I would personally propagate yet if one goes a little further they are presented with a dilemma.

The Dilemma that are the perspectives and the paradigm we carry our very own or mere antagonism to that which existed already? And if the above holds true how 'anew' or 'independent' are our 'responses' and 'visions' and those of our leaders and do we ever question those?

Is there something really 'pro-active' as we know it out there that exists on its own and not as a response to another entity.The mention of 'responses' or 'reactions' has to be traced back to a stimulus in our case the context or the social milieu and various factors that nurture the rise of different institutions, beliefs and '-isms' one of them being religion; an instrument of control for the privileged and powerful,the only solace of the dis-empowered ensuring a perpetual continuation of the misery.

But how do we explain the widespread atheism among masses that are turning away from the very institution and adopting secular spiritual beliefs; the antagonist relationship of the rationale and theological.It can only be traced to a loss of 'faith',the chaotic times we live conditioning a break down of the 20th century idealistic beliefs and yet the acknowledgement of different beliefs and their co-existence in a country as diverse as India ( barring a few instances of Communal riots ) reflects the very transformation of the concept of 'truth' and its multiple dimensions and relativity which essentially is post-modernist in nature for it celebrates the existence of not a single truth but multiple truths to each his own and this can be attributed again to the breakdown of the central institutions and for man,the unknown is a terrifying place so by law the fall of one institution leads to the rise of others for we as a race certainly need something to believe in, and the lack of faith causes an immediate crises which the emerging institutions fulfil.

If you call yourself a 'rationale' and you 'speculate' choosing or creating your truth becomes difficult for you and 20 th century existentialism again comes into play which in a very different context emphasises the same..

but the search,the hunt for an absolute truth still remains..

The question is whether it should persist.

The Dejection : A prayer

There are days when it feels sick, all of it 

There are days when you do not know who you are

and the misty crystal surface reflects that familiar stranger 

waving by 

She turns away for there are days that intimidate you  

beyond your wildest dreams

a breakdown for I don't know her,I can't see her for shes lost

the days when every step and every word you utter is an effort

I look at her as she tries to appear strong and answer their questions

I search her eyes for a hint of a tear or two

but shes heck good at this...

like the gloomy skies resisting thunder

Deep Inside she knows every question they raise makes her shiver more

yet defiantly she maintains the indifference.

Surrounded by the hues of her own darkness

shes Lost..

an empathy for her muse's dejection enveloping her soul 

and now she knows

that his claws that clenched her can contain her no more

the demon was slowly loosing that hold..

'yes' she says,there are days when I loose my faith in everything I see and everything thats me

yet I turn towards 'thee'

for thou as my shepherd we rise together

a pocket full of sunshine, the Knights armor and might

Sila's conviction and Solomon's mines

everything that is you and now 'I'

I walk in faith

for miracles do exist and paths are made"

for she might fail a ten thousand times

yet the 'illumination' of that 'bulb' shinning too bright 

is worth a strike..

Sarah and Klarke : A dilemma unresolved

If you love a flower, don't pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies,
and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.
Osho

But she thought she owned him and thats where it went wrong,the love that had transcended any known bounds its arrogance that had to be tamed and eventually humbled as she Let Go..

and learnt really to love in the appreciation of it..

Sarah slept a sound sleep something that she felt proud of for it had been so rare in last some months,she liked laying in the comfort of her mattress,enveloped in the warmth of the quilt that covered her trying to make sense of the bizarre dream she had only to be distracted by her cell ringing,she rubbed her eyes another time as she finally came to her senses..It was Klarke.

Next thing she knew she was getting ready to see him and its after ages she had her heart pound so fast and loud but she didn't even have time to notice it as he would be here so shortly..

So he was here,she thought as she walked towards the spot where they usually used to meet. It had been three months since she saw him last and all this while she didn't even know if she would see him at all and yet now she was here and in next some mins,he would be in front of her..three months of hating,cursing and yet loving him with every passing day

He stood where he always did just as charming she thought as she trudged towards him,they smiled and greeted each other..

Klarke,the man she loved standing next to her and an absolute silence as she had a glimpse of that morning in her mind,the morning that would change her life forever,the sun and the moon together at that moment of twilight and a secret its majesty that only both of them knew and realized as their souls imbibed on its purity in their sheer union,the morning she witnessed another realm; the realm of Magic as they experienced it together but a serpent had crept in her Eden and yet she retained that smile even after losing it all..

The Morning when it all started..

and Now The sky looked beautiful again as they stood together..

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you :) ". She blushed and yet there was a comfort now that was unknown to her.."so the same place" she said lost in Nostalgia

"Yep,all the same;the place,the bike,You and I And yet so different,time changes everything so much,Wish If it could be played again n again,some moments" he said as he stared at some distant place looking thoughtful.

And if that could be done,well she wouldn't ever let that morning end but this night was beautiful as well as she pointed a star or two to him as they stared at the infinite horizons together as if invoking that which was greater than them bringing them together again..

"Its conspired" She mused. Yet they had evolved and were different people now that all that time had passed,with their own set of stories that probably the other didn't know and she couldn't decide whether to be sad or rejoice the very bliss of not knowing the reason he left

Her mind was bombarded with a zillion questions at once,she wanted to ask him why he didn't turn up that night while she waited for him...She wanted to know what had kept him away for so long and all that she could mutter was " You didn't see me while you left?"

"Well,I am here,Better late than never". She did not know what to draw out of it yet she always knew in her heart that they would meet..and here he was.She didn't want to dig it further not sure of all that lay beneath the surface which probably would only get her pain and she loved him too much for any confrontation,she loved him unconditionally.It was like he lived with her in her mind his presence her constant companion at times made her cry and then it made her smile yet she never asked him to be back for she loved loving him and expecting nothing in return,it did seem idealistic but he never ceased to accompany her each day,every day;his essence surrounding her..His words "Have faith in what you stand for" her pillars of strength when she needed it,that morning never ended in her mind for she lived it every day and then she realized she needed no answers for he had made his choices and she respected them as much as she loved him...yet the dilemma reverberated again.

She smiled,her resignation had brought her an unusual grace and once again like their first meeting the breeze that had turned much colder now brushed across her face and her hair again touching his face due to their proximity.She was getting cold now and for once she wondered if his hands were just as war and the next thing she knew he took her hands in his;his touch its warmth penetrating her entire being..

She didn't know if she could take it,the surge of emotions that the gesture triggered and the denying was no more,she loved him still and she had always known it she realized as a tear or two fell and she looked away struggling to hide her face as she always did and silence reverberated aloud as they stood there staring at the sky,his warmth infusing her in entirety as their fingers mingled together expressing all that was beyond words..

and soon it was time for him to leave and as he kissed her hands softly a final time she felt an irresistible urge to ask him " You wouldn't leave me ever again,Would you ?" for she didn't know what to make of it and where they stood but the next moment she realized it didn't really matter now.The little uncertainties of life, that dwelling in the unknown,the unfamiliar; essential spices to an existence too plain and somber.
 As she walked away from those familiar terrains yet again the dilemma echoed aloud yet again..
 not knowing whether to acknowledge the majesty of having seen it or to lament over a loss so dear to the soul...
To rejoice in the absolution of the fact that he came or to brood now that he was gone..

Perfect strangers : Encounters of the soul (A short story)

Take 1
Location : A radio meet up at CP

"He'd be tall,6'ft 2 inches with a smile to die for and a spark in his eye."

These were her own words that resounded in her head as she saw him pacing towards her, An absolute stranger yet known he felt in that first glance with a smile on his face,a dangerously contagious smile coupled with a build chiseled to the core,his aura overpowering..

"Yes" she said to herself as she realized the Greek God of her dreams had finally decided to show up and she smiled so did everyone else while waiting for the Radio God to show up at the event; a Greek god as him ain't a bad deal at all..every ounce worth the wait she thought with a devilish smile crossing her lips.."after all quality NSP(Nain Sukh Prapti) that really appeal to you are so rare in this city;Most of them are committed and the rest happily gay,but luckily he looked neither." she contemplated. No,she wasn't falling for him already,just healthy appreciation winked the Delhi girl in her..
Barring all the girl talk something seemed unusually familiar as they greeted each other, a connection of some sort with a complete stranger
She wondered what it could be until she could wonder no more...

 Take -2

Location : Cannaught Place

She was late by 10 mins already and he had called twice still she rushed to the ladies to have a final glance at herself and mused why she had to act so 'Girly' at times especially when the guy has been waiting already for past some mins and then she thought of the friend's ordeal who had waited for 45 mins in a row at a metro station with nothing to do and her wrath only grew stronger, but then guys don't complain when you look beautiful,do they? she thought to herself as she realized the mirror work had more become essential than ever..

especially when she had made an effort to really dress up and look good after ages...

A breath of satisfaction as she arranged her hair a final time,staring at the neat picture that looked back at her..Decent,she declared as she lay contemplating the odds of keeping it simple but then being almost shrewdly aware of her innocent smile that could kill only helped...

He called again as she declared she was waiting for him at CCD entrance, heck of a weekend it was;and Rajeev Chowk the very pulse of the throbbing heart of New Delhi,as it connected the East and the West , Chandni Chowk to the posh and sprawling lanes of G.K.and Khan Market; the antique to all thats new...

As every metro passed a fresh stream of people emerged;shorts,hipsters,stilettos to patialas and Jhumkas...everything ranging from a South Delhi Chick all dressed to kill to your everyday girl next door who couldn't care less to sport some Mascara and the aunties waiting patiently with a single dominant intent to grab seats and break some annoying male jaw too eager to have their way out before the royalty themselves set in,looking all grossed over the leggy lass whos probably dressed way 'too' short sporting a 'What is with the world?' expression..and then probably getting lost in the "Hamare Zamane mein to..." nostalgia..

His voice broke her meditation as she realized she was still on the phone and they hadn't really figured the other ones location. "I am near CCD" he said and so did 10 other men standing besides her and though she had met him once it was long back so she wondered if it was this tall guy in black standing right in front of her for Skype could be deceptive she thought and for a moment as she stared simultaneously at her cell and him describing his location,she almost had an impulse to catch the next metro and leave if it were this guy she had come to see but synchronicity proved her wrong and he emerged all glorious and enamouring than ever from a crowd of a million fellow commuters of course all armed with his seductive smile thought she..
In the moments as she followed him to check out of the metro station,last two months flashed in front of her,how they got acquainted only to become the best of friends,those endless chats and skyping that would extend all night long and how he was there all times she needed him and what a brilliant listener he was...
and she smiled as he told her about his horrifying yet hilarious gay encounter in last ten minutes..
She asked why he dint leave the place immediately as he looked perfectly straight,he calmly replied that he liked meeting people,knowing  different perspectives..how the heck she wouldn't know,she d been hearing it for sometime now and even helping it arranging him with her friends.
"Who wouldn't wana date him" She thought.
Yet she din't,as she learnt about his escapades she observed him more closely,he wasn't the kind of men that would sweep her off her feet or woo her at all,she knew him and his priorities too well by now for him to be friend zoned surely but there was something about him other than that smile of course that really intrigued her,he was different than any of his kind and so charming just being that...
"A frappe it is" she said,comfortably settled in her chair at CCD and finally looking at him closely,she wondered why she hadn't met him before even after all the insistence and then the conversation started off..life,women,men,career and more...
She had affirmed she'd be relatively quite today for she wanted to hear him more and know him more..
As they say time flies by and so it did...
"So ask me.."
"what?"
"You d wana hear me out today?"
"Cmon,this is difficult feels like Im interviewing you and I wouldn't wana know how you made out with the woman in someplace's washroom only to get busted for I know that already right.."
ya,what is with all the clarity dude?"
"hmmph ???"
"How do you know yourself so well,not many I meet do"
"oh that, simple I spent time figuring out myself,I even have a list of women Id like to date...You got a corporate lady,the good girl, a complete slut..."
"A slut?"
" It d be an experience you see,being with her"
"The sex?"
"No, the package :D,I  told ya I like meeting different kinda people and I get to learn so much,thats how I knew the things I knew and you wondered how and why.Women are so diverse and I ve spoken to all age groups,so I know how they evolve"
"And how exactly?" she said curious.
"Its different with everyone but their perspectives are interesting and its quite intriguing to me..People"
Seriously,she mused that was too much clarity she smiled and noticed him looking at her carefully while she licked the coffee froth off her lips all conscious and aware of what he'd be thinking...
For an instant she thought he was checking her out and just then
"When are you getting married,this year or next?"
"Excuse me?" she made a face dissapointed.
"You heard me?" of course she did and wondered if others around heard them too as she looked around a crowded CCD on a saturday after noon people just having so much to say,who cared..
she thought.
"I am not getting married another half a decade,Im just 22 not before Im content and independent".She said assertively.
"Whom are you kiddin babe?"
"You bet.."
"Thats clarity..you see!You know it so well :)" he grinned "Hold on and relax babe, You' d figure it out meanwhile just trust that instinct of yours and go with the flow"
He said again with a calm smile..
in that moment she envied him for he looked as content as Buddha himself..she only wondered (as good looking as him) really took time to sit and ponder over what they want in life..and emerge so confidently with it,...she adored him so much in such moments and felt like she owed him..
and while every other person she met wanted the big buck,he wasn't the intellectual kinds yet he really asked her to follow her heart,to find out what she really wanted,to contemplate while everyone else was running the race already,he taught her to know herself more,something she had kept at bay and every encounter with him was a reminder of that,he seemed to be that missing piece in the puzzle that had plagued her mind for so long..someone with really the guts to decree on their life and wishes..she felt an ease and confidence as she looked in his eyes,rebellion he'd been living away from folks just to be true to he was..There was a Click and she knew it.Funny she thought how the very first meeting with a guy that had been so strangely familiar all this while could make her reflect so much...
She thought all of that and more while strolling around C.P wishing they had more time. The funny part is she had come to this place numerous times yet she couldn't figure out the way,in truth she never wanted to;to walk along the circuitous lanes in CP not really aware where it headed was a part of its beauty, symbolic of just going with the flow and reach your destination when the times right,After all what goes around,comes around.She explained this to him as he only smiled and yes,they din't kiss though as they had threatened each other jokingly but ya she did think of molesting him while in the elevator but he was too tall for her and that moment she thought she'd update her list,the guy has to be 5'10 or less to be a bit approachable..
"Nothing" she said when he asked her what she was up to in her mind...
and with that and a subtle touch of a hand shake he winked her good bye...she blushed as she smiled
he wasn't her perfect man yes but perfect strangers they were...

The Road less Travelled by

Dilemma is not knowing whether to acknowledge the majesty of having known it, or to lament over a loss so dear to the soul. Ignorance is bliss, and oblivion feels safe, yet there is a beauty so profoundly unmatched, almost thrilling, in risking it; even though you give it your all, so completely aware of all that is at stake, at times your entire being and everything you have ever known.

Yet when the rest of mortality rests in peace, having lived embracing the comfort of that familiar couch known too well, relishing its warmth, surrendering to the oblivion of everything that could have been and the sheer illusion of everything that has been, a sphere of the mundane, hollow to the very core. What redeems it, then, is a moment. Just a moment, too magnanimous for any expression or comprehension, yet so subtle that when it touches one, everything shifts. Nothing is the same anymore.

It is in that moment, beyond any of the wildest dreams ever fathomed, that you cease to be, and so does everything else, only to become part of an absolute: a union of the purest kind. A surging of sweet pain that has you in tears, for everything is suddenly anew.

The twilight followed by a magnificent sunrise, radiating hues of blue and red and orange, a spectrum of perfection illuminating the infinite horizons and everything that is you. The world looks beautiful, imbued with meaning, afresh in the moments that follow, and sheer gratitude flows from your very soul, for it had fused with one alike, as you relish the newly discovered Eden.

And it is for that moment that one awaits an eternity. You could almost rejoice in everything that has passed, not for a result gone in vain, but for having set out into the unknown; a breakthrough from the clenching claws of fear, a demon that imprisons minds and blinds everything essential. Reinstating, discovering, living to the utmost everything that you are, everything that you ever dream to be, embracing the sublime satisfaction of choosing a road less travelled.